Betty once said that she saw the mind as the master to the body, the body needing things and asking the mind all the while, the mind deciding that each need is not nearly as important as the tasks the mind has going on. I know I am guilty as charged with this entirely, and usually with going pee! Im always too busy to stop and take a break to meet the needs my body has and irritated that it even has any. Eating is another place that I sometimes loathe having to take time to do, because if I could just work a bit longer than id hit my deadlines or get more done with the little time I have.
When I make the time to meditate regularly I’m really taking my mind and moving it towards my body’s experience. I focus on actively letting go of the things that keep popping up like the to do list, the never ending list of things I should have done, really I let go entirely of the past and the future and focus on the right now. I honor my body and check in with my body. Much like meditation, masturbation also sets aside time to relax the mind and focus on the body. That being said just like during meditation, sometimes our mind wanders during masturbation, it runs the list of what we should be doing instead. Given that it’s already hard to take time for ourselves and even harder to take time for self pleasure, I think our mind wanders more so in masturbation than in mediation and that’s where fantasy comes in.
Fantasy is the key to inviting the mind into the bodies experience. Think of when you listen to a guided meditation, they take you on a fantasy adventure in your mind, whether that’s imaging an energetic glow inside your chest and spreading it worldwide, or walking though a calm forest, that’s a fantasy. When masturbating I invite my mind to focus on what my body is experiencing. What creates a tingle in my genitals, what increases blood flow to my vulva, and what intensifies my pleasure. As I touch my body I notice how it feels and invite my mind to make a story out of the sensations I’m experiencing. Is that the hand of someone else? Where am I and how did I get here? Not every single time do I fantasize exactly what I’m feeling though. Sometimes I invite in a hot thought I had earlier in the day or something sexy I saw or read about in erotica/porn. One of my current hot storylines is watching a guy masturbate to me lying out on the beach, and teasing him until he finishes.
What decides the storyline is entirely up to my body, when a sexy thought slips in, I notice it, see what shows up for me. Is that increasing my pleasure or am I bored by it? If I’m bored by the thought is there something I can change about it to make it more interesting? Something really important I practice is not allowing the thought police in to tell me what I should or should not be fantasizing about. Fantasy is pure thought, not intention and that’s the beauty of it. I can enjoy anything I want in a place where I am in control and my body is free to enjoy any part of it. As I continue to masturbate I begin to notice more and more of how my body experiences fantasy thoughts and how connected my mind is with what my body is experiencing.
My deepest most submerged state of body and mind occurs during masturbation with fantasy. It is during this time that it is the easiest to honor my body’s needs. When I need more lube I grab it, if I enjoyed that stroke on my clitoris I keep doing it, if my legs are uncomfortable I grab more pillows and if I have to pee, I get up and go. All this is great for learning to listen to our body but its also an amazing practice for communicating our needs when in partner sex. The more practice we have taking care of ourselves the easier it is to teach someone else how to take care of us. When we can focus on our fantasies and what turns us on we can also share that during partner sex. There is nothing hotter than hearing how wild your partner gets when they think about their fantasies.
Why so much emphasis on fantasy? It is us going within ourselves, to create for ourselves our best experience for our pleasure. Fantasy during masturbation is self understanding, self acceptance and self aware pleasure.