Dear Lakota, thank you; I deeply appreciate all the unending and sometimes painful work you have been doing to heal your sexuality. Not everyone else sees the steps you’ve taken or knows the weight tied to your ankles during each step. Not everyone can see and celebrate the tiny victories you’ve accomplished; some can only still measure your areas that fall short of perfection, but not me. I can see you more clearly than anyone on this planet. I can see what the world has done to you, what it has asked of you, and the baggage it has laid upon your shoulders, despite the crumbling spine that, while fracturing, still holds strong and takes another step.
I can see you shed every piece of misinformation you held onto in an effort to bring comfort, if only a little and only for a short enough time to catch a breath. I can see that instead of hiding in the places that make you comfortable, you’re leaning into the pain and discomfort and feeling it all in its entirety. Where you once pointed fingers at the world, you now stand up and look within, holding yourself responsible and taking action even if you’re trembling and your heart is racing while you do it. I see your courage, your strength, and your never-ending drive to keep trying. I see the tears you’ve shed in grief, the pain you’ve felt knowing you can’t get time back. The only thing you can work at is the choices you make going forward.
You’ve done the hard work of letting go of the victim mentality and all the shallow comforts it brought you. You’ve released the pain that was suffered as a child. You hold a microscope to the narratives society pushes, so that you can make a real informed choice about who and what you are in the world. No longer blindly following and in turn resenting the world as you go. You’re learning that you have needs and that they matter. None of this work is easy, and it might not ever be, but I promise you it’s worth it. The work you’ve done and will continue to do will only bring you closer to yourself, and the more you know yourself, the more you will fall in love with yourself.
I know that sometimes the workload is too big and too heavy and you stumble. Your stumbles are a beautiful part of this journey just like the rest. Sometimes you finally get to a point when you get comfortable and think you have things figured out, and then you stumble again. Stumbling from that place can hurt so much more; it can feel like you’re always failing, always starting over but you aren’t. When you look at where you’ve come from, it’s easier to see that it would be impossible to go back and instead it’s much easier to take another step forward, even if only a little one. Becoming a healed, fully sexual woman is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. There will always be obstacles, but creating your fully healed sexual self will be the biggest and best creation of your life. I love you so much, and the pride I feel for you multiplies every day. Thank you so much for everything you do.
Love Always,
Lakota